Posted by: ben | July 28, 2009

alcoholics unanimous

AlcoholHeader
(title with apologies to Art Brut, a song not on Spotify sadly.)

Ben: It’s Saturday night, everyone’s round for an evening at Teatunes Towers and I’m writing a blog post. Ordinarily this is the last thing I’d do but whilst scouting about in Tescos earlier on I made an amazing discovery – a company has bottled something which it is calling alcoholic iced tea.

I dig iced tea as a nice alternative to coke when I’m out and about but have never considered adding alcohol to it or drinking it in a sociable way but then I’m not a multi-millionaire able to come up with clever innovations. Commercial iced tea invariably has to be sweet and sweet alcohol in general is a no-no but for the sake of the blogging world we’ll give it a go.

An odd concoction of bitter and sweet flavours

An odd concoction of bitter and sweet flavours

This stuff is manufactured by the Twisted Tea Company, apparently based in Cincinnati according to their website and has been available since 2007. To my trained pedant’s eye this stuff isn’t really iced tea – it’s a

malt beverage with select teas and natural flavors

The label helpfully says

It starts with tea

We then blend in natural fruit flavours to craft a refreshing, non-gassy, brewed beverage which appeals to both beer and tea lovers alike, whilst delivering a true iced tea taste.

Great served chilled.

Which is a nice way of saying ‘people like iced tea, people like to get smashed, we combined the two despite no-one else doing so before!’

Kinda begs the question ‘why has no-one done this before’, does it not?

Anyway, this has allegedly been available in America for a few years but it’s new to us and our yokelly backwater ways and as we’re obsessed with anything new and and shiny (like crows) we had to get some.

Enough of this preamble! Let’s taste this baby!

This tea has alcoholol in it.

This tea has alcoholol in it.

At this point, Dan, my fiance and myself had a conversation. It went a little like this:

Dan: Holy cock!

Ben: Man, that’s sweet.

Dan: Holy cock!

Ben: This stuff’s really weird. It’s not very tea-ey at all. It reminds me of Fentimen’s curiosity cola. Has a rooty, brewed taste but is ridiculously sweet.

Fiance: It tastes like iced tea!

Ben: No it doesn’t!

Dan: Actually, I’ve never tried iced tea.

Ben: Well, this is going to make an insightful blog post, isn’t it?

Fiance: It does! It tastes like Lipton iced tea!

Ben: It’s definitely lemony, like most of the Liptons things. It’s kinda watery. Feels like the sugar and lemon are covering up for something.

A brief reflection

Dan: Actually, this stuff gets better the more you drink.

Ben: Did you notice it’s five percent volume?

Dan: Yes.

Fiance: Yes.

Ben: So… this is just a variant alcopop? For those who like iced tea? Of which there are about eighteen people in the UK?

Dan: Yes.

Fiance: Yes.

Ben: ….great. Dan, do you have anything else to add before I finish?

Dan: (reads) Have you just got me saying yes a lot?

Ben: Yes.

Dan: …this is going to be the worst blog post ever.

Ben: Say something clever.

Dan: It’s really bitter, but gets sweeter the more you drink.

Ben: It’s not bad, really, is it? I mean, the only flaw is that it’s both expensive and not as nice as that wine we were drinking.

Dan: Yeah.

Fiance: Can we go back to Guitar Hero now?

Also an apt description of the beer. Tea. Beer. Teabeer.

Also an apt description of the beer. Tea. Beer. Teabeer.

Ben, Dan and Ben’s fiance were drinking Twisted Teas’ Hard Iced Tea, available in bigger supermarkets for around ¬£1.69 a bottle.

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Responses

  1. ‘insightful’, surely

    Sorry, sorry – don’t mean to be a nitpicker, I actually DO have something to contribute. Ahem:

    I’d try it

    • No, I meant something wanting to cause umbrage. Honest.

      Ahem.

      • Ohhh… wait , I’ll help:

        How DARE you spout such venom against the champagne of all teas viz. the ice tea with 5% alcohol content?! I am appalled and outraged and incited and umbraged at the clearly discriminatory stance this blog has taken towards caffeinated beverages that are not above room temperature

        !!!

        • That’s the ticket! Thank you x


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